Leap of Faith

Wow. Welcome to my first blog. As a person over the age of 30 (I'm not telling how much older than 30), I feel it's a bit of a miracle to be blogging because my generation generally doesn't like to share their secret thoughts with the world. And I'm no different. I am so much a private person that I don't think one person in this world knows all my business. I have never been married, but I am straight. As an unmarried and seemingly attractive woman in the prime of my life, I am often a target of matchups, speculation and pity. However, I have had several bad relationships for which I totally blame myself for the incredibly stupid choices I have made in my life, especially, the men, who have chosen to break my heart. No man has ever been faithful to me, which leads me to believe that I'm the one with the problem. As a matter of fact, I've never been proposed to at all, which still surprises me considering my age and my looks. But I think I am so afraid of true commitment that I run from even the remotest possibility of intimacy. But it's not that I don't want that because I really do want to be in a committed relationship. It's just that such a thing eludes me. I'm always searching for something, it seems.

But I do believe in love. All of my siblings have found true love. The good kind. So it seems that it doesn't run in the family (except my father's side of the family has a lot of bachelors, but that's another story...) But no one it seems ever seems good enough for me. Or maybe I'm just so used to hiding my secrets that I am unable to share them with the world. Thus this exercise in sharing called blogging. I feel that maybe if I spill my secret thoughts a bit, I'll learn I'm not a complete freak and can then move onto people face to face. So what kind of people read other people's blogs anyways? I always thought it was just weirdos who had nothing better to do with their time, but maybe I'm wrong. Prove me wrong world.

Question: Why should we put ourselves out there if we continue to get hurt by love? Give me a reason to believe.

Mimi